Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2014 12:17:07 GMT -5
So a very nice start.
Great description of his physique, training, and equipment.
I would pick just one nightwing costume as your main and remove the other two. It's nice you know them all, but it's a bit much.
The personality is good. Probably should put something in there about his attitude towards criminals and psychotics. It feels a little thin, but it is hard to describe how you want to portray a personality. Think of what you really want to show and put it in there.
The relationship section has improved greatly! I think that shows something. I think you got the intents right for Bruce, Barb, and Alfred. some of the rest are a little thin or seem text booky, you just need to show how he feels towards them. but it's a good start and you got the important ones.
For vehicle, I would keep things simple. Take off the cloaking device, keep the nitro boost.
Okay Audition post.
First, I'm just saying Audition posts are hard.
A very ambitious and reflecting on back story one here.
You have good description and play up the emotions well. which is a big part of dick grayson.
some good interaction with the guard/police officer. showing his cageyness and quick thinking.
The ending could have been strengthened up a bit.
Why did he put a transmitter there?
I would like to see more with the barb and dick conversation. The teasing, knowing each other, getting each other's subtle tones. They know each other, you need to show that.
Hearing her tone and urgency, I would expect him to get concerned. He and barb both knows batman can handle himself, if she is not joking back with him, and is urging him so, something must have happened. I would have him dash off with haste due to his concern.
Describing his emotions, concerns, and thoughts towards both barb and batman would help this section a lot.
Also if he had a flashback about his time with bruce as a young robin, that would give a lot better glimpse on the robin mentor/student relationship for us.
That being said. a very good initial try here with the post.
It could be stronger, but it is pretty good compared to other dick grayson posts I have seen.
It can be hard to do conversations without having someone to do it against.
I think we just need to see more to get a better feel for rp-ing with you, but you show us a lot of good things here. And there is still room for growth.
I hope this reply helps.
First of all I'd like to say thank you for your reply~! I really appreciate it.
I have edited my application, and I just wanted to point out that I did not specify what the transmitter was for, because I wanted to leave a lot to the reader's imagination. However if it were a real roleplay, I would have specified it in full.